What happens?

So what happens when we are finished losing weight? Several of you are so near goal? I am wondering because I don't really know what I will do? I am sure I will have an unfill. My husband thought I would have the whole thing removed. Right now, that is a no, no, and no! I can't imagine not having the safety net holding me back from regaining. In the past I have regained so many times. But then, how long does it really last inside the body before it deteriates and needs to be replaced? How long can it stay in? I guess I will be talking to my Dr. when I see him. What are you hearing from your dr. or what are you going to do?

When will I get serious about losing weight again? I have been working out so much that I think I am in denial (again) and think I can eat whatever goes down without PBing. I am having a couple glasses of wine almost nightly. Geez. And I think that when I get on the scale it will be moving. Nope, it is not! But I feel good. I feel strong. I feel tone. But I still have 20 pounds to lose at least. Even though muscle weighs more right? And I should not look at the numbers on the scale. But I have inches from my middle that I would like to lose. Anyways, thanks for listening. I need more motivation. I think I need to go for a fill and soon. I have been putting it off for about 3 weeks now.

A couple before and afters:)))

Taken November 6, 2009 @ 147 pd. size 8

Taken November 7, 2009 Size 8 Levi's

Taken December 13, 2008 at 194 pds. size 16

Taken November 2008 at 194 pds size 16

It is so hard to believe that was me a year ago. I always knew it was not the real me and I was so far gone that I felt helpless until the band. It gave me control and hope that I can change. I don't feel worthless and like a failure anymore. That is the worst and heaviest feeling in the world to wake up to day in and day out. Finally, I am lighter emotionally and physically. I know weight shouldn't hold you back from enjoying life but it does me. I think because I am so self conscience and think everyone is thinking how fat I am. I believe it comes from when I was young and people would make comments about my weight. I wasn't that big either but I always wanted to be the cute skinny girl. I felt I wasn't ever good enough and had to change. I've changed but for all the good. I think it's about changing my thinking. Changing the tape in my head and negative talk that I tell myself. Anyways, blah blah blah.... Onward......

These are for you Amy! Thanks everyone for leaving comments and writing great blogs about living with the band! Love reading about everyones experiences:)

Off to the dentist, then to my favorite consignment shop in Newport Beach! I am hoping to find some great clothes for cheap. This place always has the best designer clothes and there's nothing wrong with them. So why not? Beats paying full price for things I plan on not wearing next fall/winter.

Next month is my 1 year bandiversary and I will take some full length shots to compare. Bye ya'll!

I'm on VACATION!

Yep, crazy busy days are over for 3 weeks while I am off work. No more teaching, report cards, parent conferences, and getting up early, at least for 3 weeks. I am looking forward to being mommy. My goals though are to plan some new menus because I just have been in a rut as far as making good dinnners. Uggg not my favorite thing but I am going to start looking a cookbooks, online, and just plan menus and grocery lists. Plus get back to coupon shopping. I have been so short on time and it hasn't been a priority.

On the weight loss front, I am at a plateau. Still between 147-150. Up and down. I know I am not making the best food choices. So I am going to make good choices this week and just see how tight I really am. I have learned what goes down the easiest and maybe not low in calories and I eat that til I am satisfied. Well, if I choose leaner proteins and salads I am sure I would lose. But I think I maybe need another fill. My last fill was in was in September and was nervous to be overfilled and didn't quite get enough.

A couple NSV are: I am a solid size 8 in pants. I bought a pair of Levi's I feel great in them. Although by the end of the day they were a little loose and I wonder if I should tried the 6? Dare I? I can't freakin believe it. Another thing is my closet has very few fall/winter clothes because last year I was L/XL shirts/sweaters and 16 pants. For the most part I have taken all my pants to Good Will and the kept a few sweaters but I just need new cuter things. They remind me of being depressed and heavier, plus they are too big. I need to go shopping while I am on vacation.
Another NSV is that I will have to get my rings sized down. They are twisting and turning that I am afraid I will lose them. I love slipping them on and off so easily because I couldn't do that before without soap.
NSV: I am happier!!!! I am not worried about how I look so much. (only when I don't have anything to wear cause they are too big:))) I don't feel embarrassed and I have been getting so many nice comments. I feel like I carry myself taller because I am stronger physically. I have more energy to take care of my children. Having little ones is sooo physical with bending over, carrying them, running up and down stairs to find shoes ect... Now I doing it without complaining so much.

Have a great day everyone!!!!

The Power of Thoughts

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who

cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

--George Bernard Shaw

"Your thoughts determine your frequency, and your feelings tell you immediately what frequency you are on. When you feel bad, you are on the frequency of drawing more bad things. When you feel good, you are powerfully attracting more good things to you." p. 43 The Secret


Before I got pregnant with Kaitlyn now 2 years ago, I had made a focus board to post what I wanted out of life at the time. At that time we were seeking help with our fertility dr. to have baby number 2. On the board I asked for another child and cut out pics of babys and had a couple baby stickers. On the board I also had pics of clothes I would love to wear when I got to the size I wanted because I was attempting to lose weight. Well both things I asked for contradicted each other having a baby and losing weight but both I wanted. Amazingly 2 months after I asked the universe for this I found out I was pregnant, naturally!! Yep, no IVF this time. We tried for 10 years and 3 rounds of IVF to have Matthew and it took once without even knowing that we became preg. We were totally shocked!!! And Tim was like who is hte Father, ha ha. Well, now 16 months later I am at my lowest weight in a long long time. Is that because of my board too?

So I am not that into the universe and laws of attraction, but I am looking for ways to change my thinking. Actually, I am scared to even write why I am seeking this change it because it's like summoning more bad things. I'm just having some anxiety that started when stuff was taken out of my car. Also, the law of attraction doesn't recognize "no, don't, or not" in sentences (p. 14). So the more I think I don't want something that is what I am attracting more of, what I don't want. It's funny, but not, but one the phrases in the book says, "I don't want to argue." I say that when we are having a spat and have the rest of the day together and we are going down the wrong path, I will say that but it doesn't help anything.

So today, Sunday, October 11 I am going to work on an updated focus board. I saw a link on Oprahs website a few months ago but haven't looked at it. Kinda want to do my own and see where it takes me.

Another thing I am doing in the morning to help turn my negative feelings/thoughts into positive ones is read a passage from "Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It's kinda like a meditation, I read a verse, he calls them, each morning and journal about it. I can tell when I stop taking that time for myself in the morning. So with waking up an extra 15 minutes it helps me throughout the day. In March when Tim and I went and had massages the bookshop had another book of his called Being in Balance. I love that one too.

So today my goal is to complete my focus board. Play with my children and be present in the moment. Ahhh...happy Sunday!!!! Tim will be working his normal 12 hours today and will be home at 7 tonight. I am going to do the Jillian Michaels DVD today since I can't take my kiddos to the gym. They have runny noses and I don't want them to catch anything more or give their colds to others. Have a great day!!!

The lowest I've been in 12 years!!!!

So I have officially reached 148 pound this morning!!!!! Yep, at this weight 12 years ago I was joining Lindora, a So. Cal weight loss chain. It is a low carb diet and medically supervised. Then about 4 years before that I had joined Jenny Craig. Then before that it was NutriSystem. All around this weight. I feel really good right now. So anyways, it's kinda weird to be this low. Hard to explain but I put on some nice lounge pants that fit snug in March or so, when I was thinking I was thin. Well they are really baggy where I wouldn't wear them to take the trash out to the curb. I am happy, happy about it!!! Anyways, thanksfor listening. Things are good!!! Going to put a puzzle together with my 3 year old who is yanking my arm. Bye!!!

P.S. I am sorry I keep missing letters and words in my posts. Just that i am always rushing to post something between mommy moments and stuff:))))) i really am educated ha

Organizing

I used to be soo organized. Now? not so much. My goal is to get it together. House stuff with two kids and a hubby who works long hours it's hard to keep up. Yesterday I took the day off to relax and now there is crap everywhere. Uggg....now it's cleaning the kitchen, laundry, and cleaning in general that needs to be done. Then there's organization of little things. Like, my kid's socks, my hair barretts, shoes, and things need a place, again. I have been tired after working, cooking, stuff that needs to be done that the organization went by the wayside.
So, after this post is finished, and my coffee is finished brewing, I am off to clean as much as I can with Matthew running around. How's that for a plan?

This all stems from this morning when I almost talked myself out of going to spin class this morning cause I couldn't find a barrett to hold my hair back, or my son's shoes (which daddy left them in the car and is a work) So it frustrates me when things hold me up. But I did go. My hair was fine as it's long enough for most to stay in a rubber band. I found other shoes for Matthew. But I almost said forget it. But I wouldv'e hurt myself if I wouldn't have gone and I feel so good after sweating and moving my body. Matthew needs to get of the house for a while too. But I think I am a perfectionist and expect a lot from myself and I am always looking at what needs to be done or what is messed up that I don't slow down and see what is good. I have to change that. I want to be more positive because lately I've been so harsh on myself and it's exhausting. I want things to look good and clean and neat but really I can only do so much. I also just want to play with my kids. I don't know what needs to change because it feels out of balance? I also want to watch football today but it's not much fun by yourself. I am such a rambler and all over the place in this post.

Here's what is good: I have my health, I am smaller, I have a loving husband who works hard for us, I have an adorable 3 year old who just minutes ago discovered what magnets do, I have a 16 month old who really loves to be held, so much we are dying for her to start walking, I have a comfy home, I have friends who care, I have my band, I have a working car, I have a wonderful job where I call my second home and my second family, I am acknowledging my feelings where as before I stuffed them, I love exercise now, I love that I feel proud that I am consistant with my workouts......

Lightbulb Moment: Okay, now that I am not beating myself up over my weight my focus and shifted to my surroundings. My stuff in my house, my classroom, my car and I notice neater people and more organzied people. (Like I used to compare my body to other (not as much now), I compare peoples houses or classrooms, ) Then I take a look at mine omg just can't keep up, or am overwhelmed with what needs to be done. What the heck is this? Am I crazy? I am not jealous of material stuff but how it's neatly kept up or clean. Is this crazy? Is this weird?
Anyways, I will be cleaning and trying to get stuff done! Have a great Sunday!!!!!

Little bit of Shopping and Indian Food

Just that kinda day! Hubby too Matt to the big airshow for the day. I took Kaitlyn fall shopping. I am hesitating buying any clothes for myself for the time being. The kids definately needed new clothes for the season and they are growing so much. I did get some black pants at Khols for 13.99. I had to replace the ones that were stolen last week that were in my gym bag. Well, last year at this time I bought a size 14 petite and today the 8petites fit. OMG, I really can't believe it. When I first went to pull them up I was like now way are these going to fit. I still don't want to invest in some expensive clothes because I don't want to waste the money on something that I hopefully am not going to wear next year. This morning I took out the Wii to chart my progress. I just haven't done this in months. So here are the stats: in December 08 (2 weeks after my surgery) BMI 34.09 = Obese and today I am 28.22=Overweight. I have 22.5 pounds to lose to reach the Normal BMI of 25. Whew...I can't wait. So, now I am wondering how many calories are in Indian food? This is my second time this week having an indian curry bowl from this cafe that I found a couple months ago. I love the curries and spice. I find it goes down fine because of the sauce the chicken and basmati rice mixes with the sauce so it goes down fine. Love the hot spices. I can only have a couple bites of the Naan bread before I get that feeling of getting stuck.
So, I am going to enjoy the rest of the day by reading a good book while K is taking her p.m. nap. My mom always gives me her books after she reads them so I have a closet full to choose from. I love murder mystery and police detective stories. I just never have time to read and I have been too darn tired to read at night lately. Have a great day everyone!!!