Vacation is almost over...

I know for those of you who work all year long with two weeks vacation really probably hate hearin that I have to go back in two days after 5 full weeks of vacation. Well, here I am thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done to be ready for the first day of school Monday. It will all get done but I just have anxiety that won't go away. I think that's what you call, worry over things that really I have no control over at the moment. Thursday and Friday I can get it all done.
I have never been so excited about an upcoming event. My husbands surprise 40th birthday party is in two weeks. All is paid for , planned, mostly bought except for last minute stuff. I bought the cutest dress for Kaitlyn and a the handsomest suit for Matt last week. Then on Sat. Tim and I went to Hollywood to get him a suit at the outlet. This is nothing out of the ordinary for him to buy an outfit for an outing that one of us has planned. So he really thinks he is going to the exclusive Magic Castle in L.A. because I said he has to wear black and white. Well, I added red into our outfits too. He has no clue he is about to be surprised with a party! This is the best feeling in the whole world.
Sooo why am I eating like crap before one of our milestones of our lives. Yes, we've had our wedding, anniversaries (5 and 10, and next June will be our 15th), the birth of our children, hmmm, when you get older the milestones are fewer. So here I am thinking tomorrow I will cut back on calories, eat chicken, drink water.... Then I eat.... the good thing is I am working out. That is saving me from gaining weight. Although, with the added anxiety I am tighter I am finding. When I am nervous or have lots to accomplish and am rushing I can't eat. Yesterday, I tried about 3 times to eat lunch, left over chinese, Pad Thai from pick up sticks. Nope had to toss it up all 3 times. Tonights chicken and baked potatoe, I couldn't eat but a few bites and had to rush to the bath room. Don't know what's up. Last week I could eat and eat it seemed. I even had chicken alfredo from Olive Garden. What's up with that? I thought for sure a few bites would satisfy me, but nooooo it kept going down with every bite. It was soooo good. Couldn't eat the bread sticks and only tried one bite.
I go from being tight to not so much. It depends on what I am eating though. I know Nachos go down fine. I hate eating chicken anymore, almost always gets stuck. I need moist or crunchy food.
So I did some more shopping and bought a size 8 dress from JC Penny for my back to school night. I felt so good in it. Then the other pants I bought were size 10 and medium shirts. I am excited about that. Since I am starting back to work and seeing people I haven't seen since June, I have gotten compliments. My principal and librarian just kept saying look how tiny I am. Me? It's been soooo long to have that said about me. I have always been trying to hide behind a new hair style when it came time to go back to work. It gives people something to comment on. Lord knows they couldn't comment on what I was wearing or how I looked! So it used to be cute hair, now tiny!!!! People I have 30 pounds to go!!!
I will try and watch what I am eating and workout like I have been. Well, I have better go. Bed time:))) I so can't wait to tell Tim everything about planning his party. I am catching myself from saying who I talked to or what I accomplished in the day because it all pertains to his surprise. So hard to keep from sharing with him.
Oh, one last thing, I find myself wanting to eat but nothing is satisfying or if it does go down it doesn't fill the void. I am longing for something to fill me up but it's not food and I am finally recognizing that it will never be fooood!!! I know it's anxiety about the upcoming school year and the party but WTF do i do? Just ride it out and enjoy it. I just worrry because why do people not RSVP? Do I need to call them? My friend even says she forgets to RSVP....what is that about? I want to know who is coming.....blah.....blah......blah.....controlling....me....no....way! It will be what it will be.....Let it go....let it go....have fun....enjoy....